So, the NHL suspended Dallas Stars forward (and ex-Ranger) Sean Avery for noting how Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf is dating his ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert (most notably of “The Girl Next Door” and “24”). Avery had this to say to reporters:

“I’m just going to say one thing. I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just wanted to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

If you’ve been following this at all, you’ve probably heard the rumblings of support for this suspension, not only from Puritans all over, but also from Stars owner Tom Hicks, coach Dave Tippett and assist captain Mike Modano, among others. Avery apparently “crossed the line” with his remarks.

This is patently ridiculous.

What kind of world do we live in where you get suspended for calling your ex-girlfriend “sloppy seconds”? It’s not like he called her a slut. It’s not like he called her a whore, a bitch, a skank, whatever. Sloppy seconds. As in, I was here first, you are here second, and maybe it’s a little sloppy because I — okay, no elaboration necessary.

What Sean Avery said is true. For certain, his ex-girlfriends are in the habit of dating other NHL players — not just Cuthbert (who’s on her third), but also Rachel Hunter, who’s now engaged to Jarret Stoll of the LA Kings.

Moreover, what he said is, if not wholly inoffensive, such a minor transgression that anything but a quiet scolding in the privacy of the coach’s office is complete and utter overkill. Put it like this: If anyone but Sean Avery said what Sean Avery said, it wouldn’t have gotten blown up into this big ol’ hullabaloo.

(I’ll try to write some new stuff soon. I have really been bad about updating this thing.)

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